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Insomnia

from Metanoia by Nate Perkins

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lyrics

She’s smoking a cigarette, bare breasted
And when the covers slip I’m in love with the curl of her lips
I try to flex in the mirror she does her makeup in and she laughs.
I was feeling much stronger.

She hits me in bed with her closed fists
And she’s got a bad attitude and a real vulgar mouth on her
She says to love someone else you have to love yourself first.
I don’t really subscribe to that.

I ask her what’s her philosophy like
And she giggles and says it’s nothing really worth noting
And when I reach for her hand she pulls away like I burn her.
I feel ugly and useless.

She says “what’s keeping you together baby?”
I tell her “Fuck, it’s only fool’s gold and a liter of duct tape.”
She nods her head a few times and leans back on her bed.
I don’t think she gets me.

She tells me a lot of things will kill you
She tells me “love makes you so stupid.”
She tells me jokes I don’t laugh at too long.
She tells me my smile is as bent as my back.
I start lighting cigarettes end to end endlessly,
And I flip through her textbooks until I’m tired.
She tells me I shouldn’t smoke so much, that I should smile more and that I should stand up straight, and stop drinking when I’m alone, , and that I should work on making more friends if I’m lonely, and that I should cut my hair shorter and trim my beard, and that medicine is a scam and nobody needs it, and that I’m afraid of happiness and success, that what I really need is a good vacation, that I’m overly emotional and callous at the same time, that I’m very good in bed, and that she’ll never love me but I can stay all night if I want.

credits

from Metanoia, released January 15, 2017

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about

Nate Perkins image

Nate Perkins Cincinnati, Ohio

I'm Nate Perkins.

Cincinnati, Ohio born.

Brooklyn, NYC transplant.

I don't always keep a strict genre, so I guess the genre is just depression.

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