Metanoia

by Nate Perkins

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about

This album is about being lovesick and drunk... I know what you're thinking: "This is new territory for Nate Perkins!"
(any likenesses to actual persons mentioned are purely coincidental

credits

released January 15, 2017

Written*, Performed, Produced, Recorded, and Mastered by Nate Perkins
(The song Cirrhosis was co-written with Peter Vilardi)
Album artwork by Brenna Jenny
Text/Design by Ben Leeson

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Nate Perkins Cincinnati, Ohio

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Track Name: Insomnia
She’s smoking a cigarette, bare breasted
And when the covers slip I’m in love with the curl of her lips
I try to flex in the mirror she does her makeup in and she laughs.
I was feeling much stronger.

She hits me in bed with her closed fists
And she’s got a bad attitude and a real vulgar mouth on her
She says to love someone else you have to love yourself first.
I don’t really subscribe to that.

I ask her what’s her philosophy like
And she giggles and says it’s nothing really worth noting
And when I reach for her hand she pulls away like I burn her.
I feel ugly and useless.

She says “what’s keeping you together baby?”
I tell her “Fuck, it’s only fool’s gold and a liter of duct tape.”
She nods her head a few times and leans back on her bed.
I don’t think she gets me.

She tells me a lot of things will kill you
She tells me “love makes you so stupid.”
She tells me jokes I don’t laugh at too long.
She tells me my smile is as bent as my back.
I start lighting cigarettes end to end endlessly,
And I flip through her textbooks until I’m tired.
She tells me I shouldn’t smoke so much, that I should smile more and that I should stand up straight, and stop drinking when I’m alone, , and that I should work on making more friends if I’m lonely, and that I should cut my hair shorter and trim my beard, and that medicine is a scam and nobody needs it, and that I’m afraid of happiness and success, that what I really need is a good vacation, that I’m overly emotional and callous at the same time, that I’m very good in bed, and that she’ll never love me but I can stay all night if I want.
Track Name: Arrhythmia
I could stop, drop, and roll
My head is up in flames
The burnings lost control
But I’m in no pain

So now I’ve learned to lie
Just nod my head or shrug
Yeah, everything is fine
No, I’m never bugged

Picture my insides
Rotten, black, and gray
The bags beneath my eyes
My bed full of stains

Thoughts like broken glass
Fling curses at the walls
I drink until I’m crass
Till my head stops or stalls

My heart skips a, My heart skips a, My heart skips a My heart skips a beat

You love me when you’re bored
You leave me when you’re not
I’m heading for the door
It’s not what I want

The dagger’s at my back
Hey, where’d you learn to twist?
Shannon I’ve lost track
Did you break my heart or my wrist?

So I’m burning every bridge
Collapsed to make a dam
The water’s passed the ridge
I’ve had all I can stand

So flood my heart with sex
And knock back every shot
If love is not complex
Well then, where are we caught?

My heart skips a, My heart skips a, My heart skips a My heart skips a beat

My heart stutters, whenever you are near
My heart stutters, My head reels

I say “I guess I gotta go”
“I mean I really have to leave”
Wanted sun where there was snow
Wanted love there was grief

So I guess I went insane
I guess I lost my head
The forecast calls for rain
I’m still in bed
Track Name: Blacklung
My pride, My pride is shot
There’s this sea of woes I’ve got
If I could give it a name, I would
As if shame could do a man good

Don’t hold my hand, Can’t hold my heart
No love
Because I sift like sand, Cause I come apart
No soul

It don’t rain, don’t rain enough
In this heat the sun is rough
I can’t sweat this fever through
Oh I’ve got it bad for you

Don’t hold my hand, Can’t hold my heart
No love
Because I sift like sand, Cause I come apart
No soul

My love, my love is blind
If I could return I’d give it in kind
So now the young are paired off in twos
Black lung, blue heart blues

Don’t hold my hand, Can’t hold my heart
No love
Because I sift like sand, Cause I come apart
No soul

Don’t hold my hand, Can’t hold my heart
No love
Because I sift like sand, Cause I come apart
No soul
Track Name: Cirrhosis
Staring off into the space between
Bottles separating them from me
I was lost ‘til I’d had a few
I’m missing someone but I’m not sure who

Got here just before the clock struck nine
Killing brain cells and wasting time
I bum a cigarette from Crackpipe Dave
Plays online poker and his head is shaved

Chorus

I look at Stacy, wonder what she sees
Is the checkered vinyl what it seems
I wish she’d lift those eyes and look at me
Am I together as I seem to be?

Johnny’s got a case of shotgun breath
Double barreled whiskey, knock ‘em back
Pull the trigger ‘til I’ve lost my head
Goes straight through me but I’ve never bled

Scary Gary’s got an eye for ass
He likes ‘em young and he likes ‘em fast
He wants to split ‘em with his silver tongue
He’s thumbing cherries and his money’s all gone

Chorus

Bridge

Picking up my tab I drop my glass
I’m seeing double and I’m fading fast
Streetlights at night guiding my way home
For one nightcap to spend the night alone

I cross my heart, oh I hope I die
I’d stick a needle in my mother’s eye
I pray to God I don’t step on a crack
I was the straw that broke my father’s back
Track Name: Fracture
Sometime after fall
When the cold has come to call
Us all to bed
The trees lose their leaves
No heart for my sleeves
I lose my head

When things break I just bend
I try my best again
I am mistaken
I’m finding cracks in my faults
Running naked down the hall
I am just fakin’

Chorus

For all my plans that go to hell
I’ve got ten or more to sell
But no one’s buyin’
Guess I’m fine on my own
I guess I’ve got a bone
To pick with dyin’

If it’s too soon I won’t repent
Too late and I’ll be spent
And far too ready
There’s some point I must have missed
I guess it gets me pissed
Just keep it steady

Chorus

I wasn’t always such a drag
But memory tends to lag
And life’s a riddle
You once asked me on your crutch
How could you have so much
And make so little?

Chorus
Track Name: Malignant
Scraped up shins
You glow like sin
Meanwhile your halo tilts, breaks, and shatters
So just leave me be, bruised and bitter

Caught in sheets
Latex, release
I get so drunk on love, head for shelter
Vomit bombshell lust on your headboard

Chorus

Kick my teeth
I don’t want to speak
Everything comes out wrong, spit suck garbled
So just leave me here, tongue like marble

Chorus

Pigeons fuck
Kill for business lunch
Meanwhile on Eighth and Vine I am sweating
So just leave me down, far to heavy

Sleepless streets
Walk on bleeding feet
Confused, my vision swims, warped sharp fractals
Heaven’s far too far, dim, and fragile


Well I have tired of wax wings that melt when I rise
I’m falling now and laughing loud at the ground no surprise
The sudden sound of rushing air, the customary thud
Picking up the bigger parts, scrape me up from this rut
You’re beautiful, but cold as hell with predatory eyes
You left me like a wounded dog, so dumb, sick, and blind
Track Name: Amnesia
The air is stand still
I hope no one moves
The smoke hangs there
Like a work of art
My lungs hurt
Stinging in the choir
So I look up
There’s no light

Forget all your dreams
Forget about your hopes

Nerves and bad breath
My voice is destroyed
Call me Atlas
With none of the strength
Under the weather
Stuck in my space
It stands vacant
Alone and inspired

Forget all your friends
Forget about your pride

Supple cold lips
I wanna make her warm
‘Gainst a strange wind
She left me in the snow
She cried don’t stop
From our old bed
With her toes curled
And her back arched

Forget all your love
Forget about your happiness
Forget it all
Track Name: Comatose
The dishes pile up
And the floor is dirty, it’s too cold this morning
To get out of bed
And the sheets are tangled, my throat is mangled
Chain smoke cigarettes
‘Til the sun is fading, my will is caving
Through my heart

I go comatose again

God’s a bottle in the fridge
He’s mostly carbonation, this is flagellation
Ounce by ounce
Corn mash three years aged, ‘til I’m dirt and rage
The room is spinning quick
There’s no use in trying, sick from always fighting
This empty life

I go comatose again

Don’t wake me
Don’t wake me
Don’t wake me (I’m not feeling like myself)
Don’t wake me (I think I’d sleep straight through hell)
Don’t wake me (I’m not feeling like myself)
Don’t wake me (I think I’d sleep straight through hell)

The walls are staring back
The room oozes malice, lash me to the ballast
Of a sinking love
Won’t you call me up Shannon, ride me through this panic
Till I drown in lust
Cut me up with your lips, bruise my pride on your hips
And cast me out

I go comatose
I go comatose
I go comatose
Track Name: Time of Death
I caught some flak coming out of the trap you sat
Round the corner from the place you spat, I wept
All night
Punch drunk from the birdshot to the gut
Stutter step through the pitfalls and the ruts
In my life

I’m sucking air through the straw you bent
Foot in mouth for the time I spent
With you, a waste

I’ve done my time and a few good deeds you see
Splitting hairs till I’m splitting at the seams
Undone
I hit a wall every time I fall for you
Too dumb to see there’s nothing left to do
It’s done

I’m calling names from my drunken chair
I’m losing faith like I’m losing hair
Fistfuls of dead locks
Wound my bones with your whiskey stare
Feign and flake, say you really care
I do, fuck me

I kicked a habit, kept a couple standing by
I think the end’s coming sooner than I’d like
Big deal
Running empty but I’m making progress here
Lock jawed still I’m swallowing the fear
Three cheers

So ashamed for the way I’ve been
I get sober but I’m bathed in sin
Good God, gone God
I wanna love, man I really do
It’s too hard when there’s nothing new
Old swears, fresh cloth
I can live with this bastard heart
It isn’t perfect but it isn’t hard
Head clear of war fog

Hey I’m still alive
Hey I haven’t died
Hey I’m still alive
And I can be kind